There are situations in life where you know what to do and with that ‘what to do’ you get a confidence booster as well but what to do in a situation where you can’t stop chanting ‘I don’t know’.
In this post I tried to pen down a poetic approach towards hopelessness and how you can’t give up in the worst of the worst scenario. This poem is for you, me, us, and everyone who ever felt this way, so let’s just dive in;/
How to feel happy? I Don’t Know
How to stop feeling lonely all the time? I Don’t Know
How to bury all my worries deep down? I Don’t Know
How to kick out the anxiety? I Don’t Know
How to stop my brain from speaking zillion voices all at once and always? I Don’t Know
How to enjoy the calmness? I Don’t Know
How to sleep like a baby? I Don’t Know
How to eat like a free spirit? I Don’t Know
How to embrace the relaxation in my head? I Don’t Know
How to live life? I Don’t Know
How to die? I Don’t Know
How to put the act of being all normal and ok to an end? I Don’t Know
How to remove this heaviness from my chest? I Don’t Know
How to control this uncontrollable flow of tears that holds my date every night? I Don’t Know
How to laugh from the soul? I Don’t Know
How to feel the positivity? I Don’t Know
How to save myself from drowning in the black dark ocean? I Don’t Know
How to open up to the people I love the most? I Don’t Know
I just freaking don’t know anything, ‘Just don’t know’. but Somehow Somewhere deep inside, I know that I can’t give up, that I can’t lose the battle, that I am stronger than I know myself, just I know that…..
In this judgmental human race where everyone is busy judging each other it is very important to ignore the world and start judging yourself.
When I say start judging yourself has nothing to do with the actions and reactions of your behavior, it’s more about the feelings because I strongly believe that an individual personality is the byproduct of the way they think and feel. The amalgamation of both think+feel forms a package of feelings. Mostly disconcert, yet the most poisonous parcel you will receive anyhow. I know you may get a little confused around but please be patient and read for more depth.
Coming back to the topic, let me break down things for you. Here in this concept dispatch means “letting it go” sometimes with an answer and sometimes without an answer or in whichever situation letting it go with an impact is very crucial.
Feelings- there are zillions to an infinite type of feelings one have to face and the people like me, who are sensitive-messed up-overthinker-dreamers then things turn out to be a little arduous.
Sometimes I have to deal with many feelings at a time and that makes me go crazy like hell, so I chose this topic for getting some clarity in my head as well as in your head too.
Some feelings make you, Some feelings break you, but in this process of making & breaking you will find yourself in between and let me tell you when you will find yourself that’s the most Ravishing part ever.
I sometimes wonder what are feelings? A voice, a soul, brain speaking, inner me, outer me, noisy me, improved me, uncleared me,’ what ???? It’s like a small invisible demon fighting with me continuously.
Sometimes making things clear, Sometimes making things mess up, Sometimes making blenders, But I know somewhere in me it exists, in fact in all of us, how we use it define us and our circumstances.
Sometimes I fascinate if there were no feelings at all what would have happened “how would we have converted from animal to social animal”. I mean just think if something fantastic happened and if there were no feelings and if something awful happened and if there were no feelings, how would we have experienced the goodness and badness of those situations in this lifespan.
We all know how to deal with positive happy feelings that’s no rocket science behind it but dealing with negative, confused, messed up, demotivating, blocking feelings, is a huge and technical task to do so.
Everyone has their way of dealing with feelings and there’s no right and wrong about that way, so if you know your feeling and you are dealing with it then congratulation you are on the correct path and I’m so proud of you. My case is different, I have to deal with more messed up feelings than good ones. They say ‘Your thinking attracts positive and negative vibes from the universe’ maybe my universe is unidirectional then. I was so used to those messed up feelings that they became part of me, it was like ‘breathing oxygen for anyone’ it was that obvious to me.
It took me years to adjust with these feelings, it distress me in many ways but then eventually, it comes as a benefit to me, as I know those feeling for so long that I befriend with them, so now I know or should I say I act as I know that from which places it has come and what point it is holding or it is pointless
The differential between point and pointless is very sensitive to explain but let me give it a try -The pointless feeling is just a temporary feelings they will come and go, Trapping you in a well of sadness like mood swings to an extreme next level (I know many girls will relate to this notion) and in the next couple of days you will be all fine and fit. -the pointful feelings are the one which sticks with you and gives you a lesson, they give you rebirth every time they come, give your life a New meaning, Definition, Thinking power, and what not.
But here the point is to decode it, which requires Huge Patience, Time, Practices, and Focus.
Take lessons or feel miserable in any which way make sure to let go of useless or in general any feelings after noting down points. MOVING ON AND LETTING ITGO is my mantra and if you want you can give it a try too
Time stop for none, they said but were they telling the truth? Or am I living in a nightmare or the entire shitty world is living in a nightmare. In my 22 years old existence, I believed this phase open-heartedly but was I wrong?Or from nowhere this phase decided to change itself.
Maybe ‘TIME’ itself is tired, tired of all the bullshit happening around so TIME itself decided to stop and show the world the real term and meaning of hopelessness.
Every human is in a cage, A cage which they build with all their pride and proud which they used to call as ‘home’ – fully hi-tech cage. A cage full of their loved ones, still they are not happy, still they are suffocating. So maybe TIME decided to catch each and everyone into his claws and make them taste just a drop of ‘loathe-venom’.
‘Time stop’, never happened before, Every day is a hopeless Sunday, Every work is just timepass, Every heartbeat is waste, Every thought is in vain, Freedom is in prison, Energy-draining yet no outsource, Hopes dying in a corner, Soul suffocating bit by bit, The sky is nowhere a limit now.
This time loop of ‘shit another useless day started to finally completed a day’ is getting on my nerves. I never fear death nor I am doing it right now but this situation of dying without freedom is messing my head up.
It has been days I haven’t seen a single tree, my plants are dying(have no F idea why), No walking with beautiful huge trees – standing tall waving open wide sky full of the star and hope along with heart dropping charming Moon, no podcast vibes, no swimming for peace, just dull series-movies-games, Running on a treadmill staring hopelessly at wall dreaming about restlessness, book, and dark chocolate stocks are almost over, and the list goes on and on but the point being, here I am not complaining because I know some people don’t even have their homes for survival and all this emotion of mine is making no sense, adding to the fact that I am an ‘Extra-hyper claustrophobic bossy adult’ which is making this situation more and more worst with no bonded time period to be contingent on.
This situation also forces me to question myself “what is the most important thing ‘FREEDOM’ or ‘SURVIVAL’ ”?– to all my surprise, the answer was totally against my will & ideology but you never know when this answer get back to my origin cause that the motive of my living….!
According to Wikipedia freedom is ‘Having the ability to act or change without constraint’– without constraint which is directly conflicting TIME and TIME is in no mood for that, “Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to define it ”, I hope and pray we all have that courage to bounce back to humanity.
Till then let’s just give a try to be a better version of our yesterday-self, for-us, our families, surroundings, animals, nature and including Homo-sapiens of all-caste-creed-religion-color-gender-thinking-status-…..- just for a sake of flesh and blood.
Hopefully, TIME will prove his point and give us a chance to bounce back to humanity, till then the only thing that matters and the only hope is
Thank you for showing me that, I can fly as high as I can, With whoever I want to fly, And this cage is temporary, And will teach me patience which I lack so badly in the past;
Thank you for showing me that, Calmness brings melody hymn with it, Just needs to hear it carefully;
Thank you for showing me that, In the time of difficulties, Unity is all that matters, And going with the flow is somewhat necessary;
Thank you for showing me that, When there is a chance to fly high, Open your wings as wide as possible, Without fearing anybody, And just fly free and high;
Thank you for showing me that, Along with survival, the regularity which we take up so casually is actually a source of living, Even more than survival sometimes;
Thank you for showing me that, When the sky is full of deadly threads ready to cut your throat out, Flying is most beautiful there;
Thank you for showing me that, With the hope of touching the sky every morning, When you fly so high but still can’t make it, It’s ok to return to the ground in the evening, And making your dream and strategies more high and stronge for the next fly;
Thank you for showing me that, You don’t need to choose a unidirectional way, There is entire sky direction waiting for you to explore;
Thank you for showing me that, Even sky throws lightning and rain, To distract you and to hurt you, But the only thing that matters is Focusing the aim and spirit of never giving up;
Thank you for showing me that, No matter of blue, black, grey or Together all the color of the sky is, Love is mandatory and must in hard times;
Thank you for showing me that, Growth is necessary, Growing together is glorifying, But waiting at the end for that someone growth is very important and underrated;
Thank you for showing me that, Without you, even sky look dull, And just a portal of beauty Same old every day;
Thank you for being there with me, Even when I was not there for me;
Thank You Dear Birds
P.S: I wrote this poem in lockdown when i was desperately finding some motivation to face the hard situation and as a Nephophile was just hopelessly looking up and magically motivation kick in and the outcome is this poem. I hope you will find some motivation too.